The evening with nothing at stake

“When you do dance, I wish you a wave o’ the sea, that you might ever do nothing but that.” Florizel to Perdita, The Winter’s Tale, Act IV Scene IV

A close friend of ours was performing. That was the reason we went. There was no other reason, and it took me not long to work out that the absence of a reason was the point.

Look at the last few months in our house and you will find nothing that was not work. The jobs. The move. My daughter’s tennis. Every hour was allocated to something with a result attached to it. Our happiness came from work. Our pressure came from work. When the source of your joy and the source of your strain are the same object, you have built something efficient and you have built something brittle. We did not notice. People in that state never do.

So we went to watch dancing. No score. No ranking. Nothing to be measured afterwards.

I want to set out five things in this post.

  1. What the evening actually was, and the distinction I think it turns on.
  2. What I saw on my daughter’s face, and why it took me by surprise.
  3. What a treatise worked out about audiences two thousand years before anyone was put in a scanner.
  4. What the research does and does not establish about dancing and about watching.
  5. Where I fall short of the standard I am about to set out.

Acknowledgements

Before the argument, the concessions.

I cannot dance. Not modestly, not badly. Not at all. Whatever I am about to say about the pleasure of watching is said by someone with no access to the pleasure of doing.

I have no expertise in neuroscience, and the studies I cite below are small, mostly conducted on Western undergraduates, and in several cases contradict each other. I will say where.

The performance I watched was amateur. Children and mothers, not a company. That matters, and I will come back to it, because almost nothing in the literature is about people like them.

And I am an anti theist writing approvingly about a text embedded in a devotional tradition. I am taking the aesthetics. I am leaving the temple, the priest and the caste order that carried the manuscript. The Natyashastra is a piece of thinking. It is not a reason to respect the apparatus that preserved it.

Expression against achievement

The pair at the centre of this is performance against achievement, and almost everyone blurs them.

My daughter performs on a tennis court. Every stroke is evidence, submitted for judgment, resolved into a number by the end of the afternoon. A woman on a stage in a suburban hall is also performing. Nothing she does resolves into a number. Nobody leaves knowing who won.

Both are called performance. They are opposite activities. One converts effort into a verdict. The other converts effort into expression and stops there. We have taken a word that once meant “to carry through” and let the corporate and sporting sense of it, performance as measured output, colonise the artistic sense entirely. When a parent says their child performs well, nobody thinks of a stage.

The evening had no outcome of significance. That is precisely why it did something to us that months of successful, outcome laden work had not.

What my daughter’s face gave away

My daughter smiled. That is the entire event.

Not a polite smile. Not the smile at the end of a match, which is a smile about a result and evaporates when the result is examined too closely. This was a face with nothing behind it. No friction. No calculation of what the smile would cost her if the next point went badly.

I looked at it and felt something closer to indictment than to joy. Because I could not remember when I had last seen it.

I hold that free will is an illusion, and this is one of the places where that view does real work rather than sitting decoratively in an argument. She did not decide to be free that evening. Nothing in her chose it. We had removed the conditions that were producing the friction, and the friction stopped. That is all. Which means the friction the rest of the time is not her character and not her attitude. It is our engineering. We built the environment that produces the guarded face, and we can dismantle it, and until that evening it had not occurred to me that it was ours to dismantle.

Blaming a child for a tight jaw is like blaming water for the shape of the glass.

Bhava and rasa, two thousand years early

The Natyashastra separates two things that English collapses into “emotion”.

Bhava is the state the performer enacts. Rasa is what arises in the person watching. They are not the same substance and the second is not a copy of the first. The theory is explicit that the spectator is not a receiver: the rasa experience is co created between performer and an audience capable of receptivity, and the word for that audience member, sahrdaya, means one who has heart. The stated purpose of performance is catalytic. It provokes an emotion already present in the person watching.

Catalytic. That is the word I was missing.

I had wanted to say that the fun in the room was not conserved, that it multiplied instead of being divided. That is a nice line and it is bad physics, and someone would have told me so in the comments. Fun is not a conserved quantity because it is not a quantity. The honest description is catalysis. The dancer does not transfer joy to me. She lowers the activation energy for something that was already sitting in me, unreacted, since the last time I let it move.

The mothers on that stage were not giving me anything. They were making it cheap for me to feel what I had been too busy to feel.

What the evidence shows

Here is the part where I have to be careful, because this material is quoted badly everywhere.

The strongest finding is not about watching at all. It is about moving in synchrony with other people. Tarr, Launay, Cohen and Dunbar separated exertion from synchrony in a single design and found that each independently raised pain threshold, used as a proxy for endorphin release, and each independently raised reported bonding. The replication sharpened it: people who danced in synchrony showed elevated pain thresholds, while partial synchrony and asynchrony produced no analgesic effect at all.

Then they tested the mechanism by breaking it. Strangers danced in synchrony after receiving either a placebo or naltrexone, which blocks opioid receptors, with neither the participants nor the researchers knowing which. The naltrexone group showed significantly increased pain sensitivity. Block the opioid system and the effect disappears. That is as close to a demonstrated mechanism as this field offers.

For watching rather than doing, there is one good experiment. Dunbar and colleagues found that people who watched an emotionally arousing film had higher pain thresholds and a greater sense of group bonding than people who watched a neutral one.

ClaimWhat it rests on
Dancing in synchrony triggers endorphin releaseReplicated, and confirmed by blocking the receptors
Dancing in synchrony makes people feel closerEstablished, but self reported
Dancing in synchrony makes people behave betterTested in an economic game and not found
Dance improves balance and motor symptoms in Parkinson’sSixteen randomised trials, 636 participants, moderate quality
Dance therapy reduces depression and anxietySmall and consistent in the tighter subset, d = 0.30
Watching arousing performance raises pain thresholdOne good experiment, on film rather than live dance
Mirror neurons explain why audiences feel itContested, and weaker than the popular accounts admit
Dancing cuts dementia risk by 76 percentNot supported at anything like that strength

Two of those rows deserve their own paragraph, because they are the rows where people I am otherwise aligned with are cheating.

The 76 percent figure appears in newspapers as recently as this January. It comes from a cohort study of 469 people over 75, followed for a median of 5.1 years, in which the hazard ratio for physical activity was exactly 1.00. The 76 percent is not in the paper. It comes from a dance instructor’s summary of a frequency table, and it survives because everybody wants it to be true. It also has an obvious problem that nobody quoting it mentions: people in the early years of dementia stop going out dancing. The arrow may well point the other way.

The mirror neuron story is the second. Hickok’s critique is that there is no monkey data directly testing the action understanding theory, and that the missing evidence is any demonstration that damaging the system causes deficits in understanding. He does not deny the cells exist. He denies the leap. The sentence “mirror neurons make us feel the dance” is not a finding. It is a press release with a paper stapled to it.

What the evidence does not show

My central question was why people who cannot dance feel released watching people who can. The literature has failed, so far, to answer it, and has failed in an interesting direction.

Calvo-Merino and colleagues scanned ballet dancers, capoeira dancers and non dancers. Expert dancers showed greater activation in premotor cortex and related regions when watching movements they were trained to perform than movements they were not. On that finding, I should get less from watching, not more.

Cross and colleagues found close to the opposite. People with no dance training showed stronger parietal engagement for movements they rated as both highly enjoyable to watch and extremely difficult to reproduce. Other studies find liking tracks how well people believe they could reproduce a movement.

So the field has good evidence that we like what we can do and good evidence that we like what we cannot. Nobody has resolved it. I find this more useful than a clean answer would have been, because the clean answer would have been imported from somewhere and would have been wrong.

There is a larger absence. Almost every study here uses professionals, undergraduates in laboratories, or clinical populations. What I actually watched was mothers and children of mixed ability performing in front of an audience that knows them personally. The mothers dancing are not in the data. The single most common form of live performance on earth, the amateur recital in a local hall, is close to unstudied.

And group dance appears in every human culture that has been looked at. The endogenous opioid system it runs on is shared with other primates and predates our species by a long way. Whatever happened in that hall was old before there was anyone to write it down, and the research literature on it is forty years deep and mostly conducted on people who signed up for course credit.

What I did with it

Here is where I fail my own standard, and it is worse than usual.

I went to an evening chosen specifically because it had no outcome. I sat there and watched people do something with no result attached. And within about seventy two hours I had turned it into a research project, a reading list, an argument about a misquoted statistic, and this post. I converted the one thing in months that was not work into work. That is not a charming irony. That is the exact pathology the evening was supposed to interrupt, reasserting itself immediately and using the evening as raw material.

I do not think I know how to stop doing that. I am not going to end on a line about learning to be present, because I have not learnt it and I would be lying to you in the last paragraph of an essay about being honest.

What I can say is smaller. Somebody else’s daughter, mother, wife, sister had practised for months for an evening that produced what we saw, and my daughter’s face changed because of it. The people who make that possible are not compensated in anything I can measure, which is the whole point and also the reason the rest of us keep failing to value it properly. I am grateful to them. I am aware that gratitude expressed in an essay is the cheapest form available, and that the more useful response would have been to show a form of patronage. Hopefully, that day will come too.

References

Playbook for dealing with organisational politics

“Power comes from perception, not authority.”

Jeffrey Pfeffer

A former colleague once asked me how I stayed sane through a particularly ugly programme. My answer was unhelpful at the time. I told her I had stopped trying to win. That sounded like resignation. It wasn’t. Somewhere between my first consulting engagement and my last leadership role, I worked out that I cannot change a difficult person. I can only change the incentives and the psychology around them. Everything I have written below is an extension of that one realisation.

I want to be clear about my position before I start, because I don’t think this subject can be discussed honestly without it.

  1. I loathe office politics. I am not writing this because I admire the game.
  2. I have been on the receiving end of it badly enough to need medical help. I have written about that elsewhere.
  3. I have also played it, sometimes well and sometimes shamefully.
  4. Nothing here is novel. Almost every technique below has a named source in the research and I have listed them at the end. What is mine is the framing and the application.

The objective of this playbook is not to defeat anyone. It is to reach the destination without losing your sanity on the way.

Acknowledgements before the argument

There are a few things I want to concede up front, so that the rest doesn’t get dismissed as manipulation dressed up as psychology.

Politics is not optional. Anywhere two or more people compete for finite budget, headcount or attention, politics exists. Telling people to “just focus on the work” is advice from someone who has never had their work quietly killed in a meeting they weren’t invited to.

These techniques can be misused. Every one of them can be turned into manipulation by someone who wants a bad outcome. The technique is neutral. The intent isn’t. If you are using the IKEA Effect to get a colleague invested in a plan you know will fail them, you are not practising organisational aikido. You are lying.

Some situations cannot be fixed with psychology. If the environment is genuinely toxic, if the leadership is dishonest, if the character assassination has already started, no amount of clever framing will save you. Leave. I stayed too long once and paid for it for years.

I am not a psychologist. I am a product manager who reads a lot and has been in enough rooms to notice patterns.

The core principle

With senior leadership the aim is aikido. Use their momentum, their ego and their weight to move the project where it needs to go, rather than meeting them with direct force. You cannot challenge them openly without cost, so you change the environment around them instead.

The middle and external layers, which is to say clients, their trusted advisers, and your own team, need a different approach. These people rarely hold final authority. What they hold is friction. Friction is slower and more corrosive than a straight no, and it is far harder to escalate.

The techniques

The Presumptive Close

Senior people who are vague are not always disengaged. Often they are avoiding the accountability that comes with a decision. So stop asking for one.

Instead of “What should we do?”, say: “I am proceeding with X unless you feel Y is a higher priority.”

This forces one of two outcomes. Either they agree, which is the path of least resistance, or they accept responsibility for changing the plan, which requires effort they may not want to spend. Either way you get to move.

Source: Rackham, on assumptive language increasing commitment.

Mirroring

When a senior leader is aggressive, repeat the last three words they said, as a question.

Them: “This roadmap is completely unrealistic.”

You: “Completely unrealistic?”

Them: “Yes, we don’t have the development capacity for the API layer.”

You: “Just the API layer?”

They keep talking. Eventually they reveal the actual source of the stress, which is almost never the thing they opened with. You have not argued once. This is Chris Voss and it works uncomfortably well.

The Social Proof Anchor

Clients are rarely afraid of a bad idea. They are afraid of being the first to fail with one. So don’t tell a client their pet feature is bad. Tell them it is unconventional.

The phrasing is: “Most of our high growth partners are actually moving away from this towards [your preferred approach], to avoid [the common pitfall].”

You are triggering their fear of being an outlier rather than attacking their judgement. Cialdini did the work here decades ago and it has not stopped being true.

The Pre Meeting Whisper

Never walk into a meeting with a peer you don’t trust without speaking to them first.

The move: “I am going to propose X. I wanted to check it doesn’t tread on your toes before I say it publicly.”

Even if they hate the idea, they are far less likely to attack you in front of others, because you respected them by coming first. This costs you five minutes and saves you a quarter.

The IKEA Effect

If a team member is resistant to the roadmap, ask them to design a small part of it.

The move: “I am struggling with the logic for the onboarding flow. You have a better grasp of the edge cases. Could you sketch out the ideal state?”

Once they have spent effort building a piece of it, they will defend the whole thing, because it now contains their work. Norton, Mochon and Ariely named this. Anyone who has assembled flat pack furniture and then refused to throw it away already understands it.

The Objective Third Party

In any conflict with a senior or a peer, attribute the bad news to an inanimate object.

Instead of “I think your idea is too expensive”, use “The data suggests the return on this might be lower than we require.”

Instead of “You are slowing us down”, use “The timeline is looking tight. How might we adjust?”

By blaming the data, the roadmap or the budget, you remove ego from the equation. You are not fighting them. You are both fighting the constraint. This is Fisher and Ury, separating the people from the problem, and it is the single most useful thing in this list.

The Negative Interest Frame

If a senior leader is pushing a bad idea, frame the rejection as a delay rather than a refusal.

The logic: “If we do this now, we lose the ability to do X later.”

You are leveraging loss aversion. You are not saying their idea is bad. You are saying the timing will cost them something else they want. Kahneman and Tversky established that losses land harder than equivalent gains. Use it.

Fogging

When a nitpicker or an aggressor attacks your work, do not defend it. Agree with the grain of truth in the attack and let the adrenaline drain out of it.

The attack: “This report is a mess. The data looks completely skewed.”

The fog: “You are right that the data in section three looks different from last month. Let us work out why the source changed.”

You are not a wall they can strike. You are a fog they pass through. Manuel Smith wrote about this in 1975 and nobody has improved on it.

The Choice of Two Evils

When a client is being unreasonable, give them two options that both lead to your desired outcome, but make one of them clearly more painful.

Option A: “We hold the current scope and launch in time for your board meeting.”

Option B: “We add the new feature, push the launch by three weeks, and you explain the delay to the board.”

They will almost always choose A, and they will feel they made the executive decision to stay on track. Which, in fairness, they did.

The Political Cleanse

To stay sane, remember the point I opened with. You cannot change their personality. You can only change the incentive structure around them.

  • Feed the ego. If they want status, give them a title or a special project.
  • Starve the chaos. If they want to micromanage, give them so much data and documentation that they become full and stop asking.
  • Anchor the blame. Always point back to the roadmap, the budget or the data as the villain.

The catalogue

Below is the expanded set of archetypes and the moves that neutralise them. I have met every one of these people. In at least three cases I have been them.

ScenarioPersonality traitTechniqueSample communication
The Idea Thief. A senior leader who presents your work as their own in big meetings.Narcissism or insecurity. They crave the hit of being seen as the innovator.Inception. Frame your ideas as a logical extension of their past comments. If they feel they co authored it, they will champion it.“Building on what you mentioned last month about scalability, I have drafted this plan to execute that vision. Since it is your direction, how would you like to present the first milestone?”
The Shiny Object Executive. Drops a disruptive idea mid sprint that derails the roadmap.High impulsivity. They enjoy the start of things and hate the grind.The Impact Tax. Never say no. Ask them to choose what gets sacrificed. Opportunity cost framing.“That is a fascinating angle. To give it the resources it deserves, should we pause Project A or Project B? I want to make sure we don’t dilute the impact of your new idea.”
The Perpetual No Man. A senior stakeholder who blocks everything to avoid any risk of failure.Loss aversion and high anxiety. More afraid of a one percent mistake than excited by a ninety nine percent success.The Pilot Frame. Rebrand changes as experiments. It lowers the stakes and reduces the perceived threat.“I hear your concerns about the risk. To mitigate it, we aren’t doing a full launch. It is a fourteen day learning experiment for five percent of users. We kill it if the data looks off.”
The Information Hoarder. A gatekeeper who keeps you in the dark to maintain power.Need for indispensability. They believe information equals security.The Expert Consultant Loop. Make them feel like a mentor. People love being asked for their wisdom, and often hand over the data they were hiding.“I am navigating some tricky data for the Q3 report and I know you have seen how these cycles play out better than anyone. Could I get your historical perspective on this?”
The Nitpicker. A powerful person who gets lost in fonts and colours while the house is on fire.Control. They feel out of their depth with the big picture and retreat to small things they can own.The Decoy Duck. Deliberately include one minor, easily fixable detail for them to find and correct.“I have highlighted three areas in the interface where I would love your final call on aesthetics before we lock the backend. Your eye for detail is exactly what this phase needs.”
The Client Whisperer. A consultant or trusted friend of the client who gives bad advice.Validation seeking. They need to prove their value by fixing your ideas.The Co Author Trap. Bring them into the draft phase early. If they help build it, they cannot criticise it later without looking like a failure.“Since you have such a close pulse on the client’s vision, I would love your strategic steer on this draft before they see it. Does it align with what you have been hearing?”
The Yes Man Client. Agrees to everything in the meeting, then complains to your boss afterwards.Conflict avoidance. They lack the courage to give direct feedback.The Negative Constraint Probe. Force them to find a flaw in a safe environment. Give them permission to disagree.“I am worried this plan might be too aggressive for your team’s current capacity. If you had to pick one thing here that feels like a stretch, what would it be?”
The Hero Engineer. Over complicates tasks so that only they can solve them.Fear of being replaceable.The Legacy Frame. Appeal to their reputation. Frame simplicity as a higher form of engineering mastery than complexity.“Anyone can build a complex system. I have seen your ability to simplify. Can we make this robust enough that it runs itself while you focus on the next architectural shift?”
The Over Promising Sales Rep. Sells a feature that does not exist in order to close a deal.Short term reward. They are incentivised by the win, not the delivery.Commission at Risk. Connect the behaviour to a loss of future sales.“If we ship this half baked to close one deal, the churn risk in six months is huge. How do we message it as a beta so we don’t burn your reputation with the rest of your pipeline?”
The Gatekeeping Peer. A peer who will not share resources or data.Territoriality. They view your success as their loss.The Reciprocity Bridge. Give them a small win first. People are wired to return a favour.“I noticed your team is struggling with that reporting problem. I have some data that might help. By the way, when you have a second, could you look at the resourcing question for me?”
The Devil’s Advocate. Stops every meeting with “just playing devil’s advocate” to stall progress.Status seeking. They want to appear the smartest person in the room.The Timed Critique. Give them a formal, limited stage. This satisfies the ego without allowing the stall.“I want to reserve the last five minutes for your risk assessment. Let us get through the flow first, then we will look to you to poke holes in the logic.”
The Martyr. Constantly sighs about how swamped they are to avoid new work.Need for validation. Busyness used as a shield against accountability.The Priority Mirror. Don’t offer help. Offer a choice. It removes the victim narrative.“I can see how much is on your plate. Since this new task is the top priority, which of your current items should we move to the backlog to make room?”
The Ghoster. Ignores emails, then gets angry when a deadline slips.Avoidance and decision paralysis. Overwhelmed and afraid of a wrong choice.The Presumptive Deadline. Shift the burden of action from them to you. Silence equals consent.“I know you are slammed. To keep us on track for Friday’s launch, I will proceed with Option A unless I hear otherwise by Wednesday at four.”
The Back Channeler. Quiet in meetings, vocal to your boss afterwards.Passive aggression. Fears direct confrontation but wants their view known.The Spotlight. Call out the silence early and safely. Force the feedback into the public record.“I noticed you had some thoughts on the last project that surfaced later. I would love to get those on the table now so we can address them together.”
The Status Seeker. Insists on being in every meeting and copied on every email, and adds nothing.Insecurity. They equate being in the room with having power.The Executive Summary Out. Give them the status without the time. Frame it as protecting their time.“I want to respect your bandwidth. How about I leave you off the daily syncs and send you a Friday decision log so you have the final picture?”
The Insecure Expert. A long tenured employee who blocks new technology for fear of becoming obsolete.Ego preservation. Their identity is tied to the old way.The Legacy Bridge. Frame the new tool as a way to scale their wisdom rather than replace it.“This automation isn’t replacing your process. It finally gives us a way to digitise the approach you have used for years so it becomes the company standard.”
The Scope Creeper. Adds one small thing every single day.Poor impulse control. They don’t see the cumulative cost of small.The Visual Trade Off. Show them a physical board. If they add one item, they must move one out.“That is a good addition. Since the current sprint bucket is full, which of these three should we move to phase two to make room?”
The Boundary Crosser. Messages you at ten at night expecting an immediate reply.Urgency addiction. They confuse fast with important in order to manage their own anxiety.Stop the Reinforcement. Reply only during working hours, but reply well.(At nine the next morning) “I saw your note last night. To give it the focus it deserved I waited until I was at my desk. Here is the data you need.”
The Blamer. Always has an external reason why the work is late.External locus of control. Taking agency would make failure personal.The Daily Checkpoint. Break the work into small, daily confirmations. External factors get harder to invoke.“Let us skip the weekly update. Can you send me a done or blocked status on this one task by four each day? I want to clear any hurdles for you.”
The Absent Sponsor. Signed off on the project and has not been seen since.Diffusion of responsibility. They believe delegation ends their involvement.The Decision Log. Send decisions rather than requests. Absence becomes endorsement, on the record.“Recording here that we proceeded with the phased rollout on the basis of the June sign off. Shout if you want that revisited before we commit the build.”

Conclusion

None of this is manipulation, provided the outcome you are steering towards is one you would defend in the open. Every technique here does the same thing. It takes the ego out of the exchange, points the conflict at an objective constraint, and makes the productive outcome the path of least resistance.

I want to end where I started, and with a limit rather than a flourish. You cannot control other people. You can control the choices you present, the framing you use, and the incentives you build around them. That is a much smaller lever than most playbooks pretend, and it will not save you from a genuinely rotten organisation. I know that from experience rather than theory.

The objective is not to become a political player. It is to become fluent enough that resistance stops surprising you, so you can spend your energy on the work that actually matters. Political fluency is not about winning the games. It is about not being dragged into them.

Whether I have managed that consistently is for the people who have worked with me to judge. From where I stand, the record is mixed.

References

#ConceptSourceWorkCore idea
1Social proofRobert CialdiniInfluence: The Psychology of Persuasion (1984)People look to others’ behaviour to decide what is correct
2Loss aversionDaniel Kahneman and Amos TverskyProspect Theory (1979)Losses feel stronger than equivalent gains
3Presumptive closeNeil RackhamSPIN Selling (1988)Assumptive language increases commitment
4MirroringChris VossNever Split the Difference (2016)Repeating the last words encourages disclosure
5The IKEA effectNorton, Mochon and ArielyThe IKEA Effect (2012)People overvalue what they helped create
6Separating people from the problemRoger Fisher and William UryGetting to Yes (1981)Focus on objective criteria, not personal positions
7ReciprocityRobert CialdiniInfluence (1984)People feel compelled to return favours
8Commitment and consistencyRobert CialdiniInfluence (1984)People act consistently with prior commitments
9FoggingManuel J. SmithWhen I Say No, I Feel Guilty (1975)Agreeing with partial truth neutralises aggression
10Status and power dynamicsJeffrey PfefferPower: Why Some People Have It and Others Don’t (2010)Power comes from perception, not authority
11Face savingErving GoffmanInteraction Ritual (1967)People protect social identity in interactions
12Decision architectureRichard Thaler and Cass SunsteinNudge (2008)Choice framing influences outcomes
13Psychological safetyAmy EdmondsonThe Fearless Organization (2018)Safety enables honest feedback
14Cognitive load and decision fatigueRoy Baumeister and othersEgo depletion research (1998 to 2010)Mental fatigue reduces decision quality
15Territorial behaviourMichael HoggSocial identity theoryGroup identity drives protection of the in group
16External locus of controlJulian RotterLocus of control theory (1966)People externalise responsibility to avoid agency
17Attention and status signallingAdam GalinskyPower and status researchVisibility is often mistaken for influence
18Coalition buildingHenry MintzbergPower In and Around Organizations (1983)Informal coalitions shape outcomes
19Opportunity cost framingDaniel KahnemanBehavioural economicsTrade offs clarify priorities
20ReinforcementB. F. SkinnerOperant conditioningBehaviour is shaped by reinforcement

The biochemical aspect of taste

Back to the start

I wondered briefly if I was disrespecting the significance of the event by talking about the biochemical aspects of it. Well, some may think so, but we are a collection of chemicals. Emotion is a biochemical process. Taste isn’t about what ingredients we eat. It is a legacy. Some aspects of taste predate the evolution of Homosapiens. Much of it actually predates the person tasting the food. Here is the summary of my learning in this journey.

Sensory Systems Involved in Taste Perception

Taste is not confined to the gustatory system. It is a multisensory experience. Gustation (Taste buds) detects basic tastes like sweet, sour, salty, bitter etc. Olfaction (Smell receptors) detects volatile compounds; responsible for 80–90% of perceived flavour. The trigeminal nerve detects texture, temperature, and chemical irritation (e.g., spiciness). Vision and Touch influence expectations and emotional priming. These inputs converge in the orbitofrontal cortex, where integrated flavour perception occurs.

Neural Pathways That Connect Taste and Emotion

The olfactory bulb (part of the forebrain responsible for smell) sends smell signals that bypass the thalamus and connect directly to the limbic system, giving them unmatched access to emotion (amygdala) and memory (hippocampus). The Vagus nerve transmits signals from the gut to the brain; it is strongly influenced by emotional and social stimuli like warm food, slow feeding, and being cared for. Stimulates parasympathetic calming and mood regulation. The insular cortex & orbitofrontal cortex integrate sensory, emotional, and social information to assign value and meaning to food experiences.

Parts of the brain involved

Amygdala links taste with emotional valence (e.g., comfort, fear, love). Hippocampus stores emotionally linked autobiographical food memories. The Olfactory bulb directs sensory input to the limbic system, especially potent for nostalgia. The Orbitofrontal cortex integrates multisensory data into subjective taste experience. The Insular cortex modulates conscious awareness of taste and interoception.

Hormones and Neurotransmitters

Dopamine rewards pleasurable food experiences. It creates reinforcement loops. Oxytocin, released during acts of care and social bonding, enhances perceived warmth and emotional safety. Serotonin regulates mood and satiety, linked to emotional well-being and appetite. Endorphins reduce pain, elevate mood, and contribute to emotional satisfaction during eating. On the other hand Cortisol increases stress and suppresses taste perception and appetite.

This journey enabled me to realise how a simple act of feeding your loved one does wonders to them.

Back to the start

Taste of yearning and affection

Back to the start

The year was 1985. I was in Kindergarten. Going to school was not something I savoured a lot. In a generation were more than half my friend’s mothers were home makers, my mom was a self made, working woman. Forty years later, I am proud of her tenacity and achievements as a four year old, I yearned the attention that some of my friends were getting from their mothers during lunch time. My grandfather worked in the same school, I never carried my lunch. I just go to his office and collect it during lunch time. Then came that day. I walked to the office and was surprised to see my mother there. She was all smiles looking at me. I was brimming. She said, she will feed me lunch that day in school. She got yoghurt rice and roasted okra. I was brimming with joy. The smell of mustard seeds on yoghurt, combining with the texture of roasted okra and the occasional bite of roasted urad dhal gives me a feeling similar to when Wordsworth saw the golden Daffodils. The taste lingers in my mouth still and I salivate every time I reminisce that incident.

Fast forward twenty years, I went to Scotland to study. It has been barely six months but I learnt a lot on life, especially on the value of food. For the first time since my birth, my parents and sister had to celebrate festivals without me. I missed them but more importantly they were unable to enjoy it as much. I decided to visit them during the Easter break. We have two weeks of holidays. Little did I know that my father has asked my mom to pack all the festivals into those ten days. The day after I landed, I had the dishes from my favourite festival, Pongal. This isn’t new. My mom woke up early to make all the items she would on that day. We all sat together to eat. By this point, I have experience this at least 23 times in my life. However, this one was different. I believe it was different for them. It wasn’t just replaying the event and recreating the recipes, it was release of pent up joy and satisfaction. The smell of the roasted spices combining with the texture and taste of the nine different vegetables in the sambhar along with rice and vada gave happiness a taste.

In both these incidents what was I experiencing? Was it the taste of the food? Was it the taste of my mom’s affection? Was it the taste of my yearning for loved ones?

In that moment back in 1985, when yoghurt rice met the crispness of roasted okra, something deeper stirred. The smell of mustard seeds didn’t just signal lunch it unlocked something emotional. That smell didn’t travel to a logical center it went straight to my limbic system, bypassing detours. Straight to the amygdala, where emotions live. Straight to the hippocampus, where memories reside. And in that instant, the smile of my mother, the surprise of her presence, and the warmth of her hand feeding me all collapsed into one simple spoon of yoghurt rice.

With it came a surge of oxytocin, the bonding hormone sealing the moment as something safe, warm, and loved. Dopamine followed, rewarding the joy. Serotonin calmed my restless, four-year-old self. What I tasted wasn’t just food. It was love, surprise, and the comfort of being seen.

Two decades later, it happened again.

The sambar with nine vegetables wasn’t just a dish, it was memory made edible. Each spice roasted that morning didn’t just release aroma; it unlocked fragments in my mind. Emotionally charged memories of temple bells, new clothes, crowded kitchens, and laughter-filled lunches came rushing in through the olfactory bulb, that ancient sensory gateway with direct lines to emotion and identity.

My nervous system, trained through decades of Pongal mornings, knew what to do: it lit up with anticipation, flooded me with endorphins, and bathed me in the familiar warmth of family. That’s why the taste wasn’t just intense. It was emotional. Even though I’d eaten the same meal for over two decades, this one stood apart not because the ingredients had changed, but because I had changed. Because time and distance had carved a deeper hunger not for food, but for belonging.

The science will say I was tasting a neural cocktail of memory, bonding, and sensory feedback. A carefully orchestrated release of brain chemicals responding not just to what I ate, but who made it, why it was made, and what it meant.

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Taste of nurture and love

Back to the start

Even grown-ups turn to children when they are sick. As much as we hate to admit it or cover it up, deep inside, it is a reality. There is something romantic about caring for your sick loved ones. It evokes Shelly and Keats in every one of us. This was the time when I tasted that.

It was 2009, and the Swine Flu was rampaging across the world. It was scary for many people, but the reality was it was no different from COVID, SARS or Influenza. I was newly married and was in Nottingham with my wife. I contracted Swine Flu from one of my colleagues. Those who showed symptoms were advised to stay indoors. The symptoms were bad. I felt like my lungs might explode at any minute. Breathing was hard at times. I didn’t feel like eating. Combining these with the fever and shivers, made me feel useless. My wife made pepper rasam (a very thin soup made from tomato, tamarind, crushed pepper and cumin). She fed me that rice with that rasam. The smell of coriander was mesmerising, the interplay of flavours woke the nerves of my tongue from their slumber and as the warmth hit my throat my sluggishness from flu started to melt. Such was my state after eating the first serve that I asked for more. I am licking my lips as I recount it 16 years later.

Fast forward to the present, weekday cooking in our house is a chore. We take turns depending on our schedule. Like any other working couple, we finish tasks quickly to focus our time and energy on our business. Eating is an even bigger chore. We grab our lunch and get in front of my computer. Over the last few weeks, I have been showing disrespect, which is the fuel that powers us to do the work we love. If we can’t spend a few more minutes caring for the food and enjoying it, what am I doing to myself? As with most such thoughts, I didn’t bother doing anything about it. A couple of days back, my wife said she wanted to cook something different that day. I didn’t show any interest in the menu. I started working. My meetings ran late into the lunch time. She was waiting for me. Once done, we took sometime to plate the food had made. Once I sat down to eat and even before I tasted the first spoonful, I felt a taste in my tongue. Every spoonful from that point was heavenly. I wasn’t even aware that I liked those items. So much so that I blurted, “mmm.. heavenly!!!” without even realising. My wife started laughing.

What was I tasting these times? Was it the nurture of the sick person? Was it the love and affection in preparing the food?

Lying on that bed, worn down by flu and fear, I wasn’t just being fed. I was being cared for. Deeply. Quietly. With a kind of attention that heals. That pepper rasam wasn’t just food. It was my wife’s love, distilled into a broth. And my body, which had rejected everything else, recognised it, not logically but biochemically. As I inhaled the scent of coriander and felt the sharpness of pepper on my tongue, it wasn’t just my senses waking up. It was my nervous system. The vagus nerve, often called the “care nerve,” was activated by the warmth, by the slowness of being fed, by the comfort of not having to do anything except receive. That alone begins to calm inflammation, reduce heart rate, lower cortisol levels. This is what nurturing does. It doesn’t just soothe the mind it repairs the body.

And of course, dopamine did its job, rewarding the moment, preserving it in memory. So well, in fact, that sixteen years later, I still salivate when I think of it. That’s emotional memory in action, encoded in scent and flavour.

Years later, in a very different setting, it happened again. No sickness. No fear. Just a day like any other. Yet somehow, the food was extraordinary. It wasn’t the ingredients. It wasn’t hunger.

It was the unexpected pause in the rhythm of busyness a moment when my wife decided to bring intention to something that had become routine. And even though I wasn’t paying attention to what was being made, something in my brain picked up on the cues: the waiting, the plating, the care. And it reacted before I even took a bite. This is called anticipatory taste perception. Our brain, using context and past associations, generates flavour expectations before food even touches the tongue. When the context is rich in emotion like love, care, or even nostalgia our brain literally enhances taste perception, flooding the experience with dopamine and oxytocin, turning a simple meal into a sensory symphony.

That’s why I blurted “heavenly!” without knowing what I was eating. My body had already tasted the intention.

So no, I wasn’t just tasting rasam or lunch.

I was tasting nurture in its purest form when someone tends to us in our weakness. I was tasting love, made visible in the everyday. I was tasting the return of meaning to something we often take for granted.

Food is never just food. Sometimes, it’s medicine. Sometimes, it’s memory. But when it’s made with love, served with care, and received with presence it becomes a language of connection.

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Taste of friendship and nostalgia

Back to the start

It was a regular Sunday evening. I was chatting with a very dear friend of mine. She shared a photo of snacks she had made on that day. A look at it made me feel like I was back in childhood, with comfort, safety, and pleasure. Growing up, visiting my aunt (mother’s elder sister) was a once-a-month affair. I used to look forward to it. Her face always had a smile when she looked at me. I felt safe there. She used to make me the same savoury dish. In fact, it may have been the last dish I tasted from her before she died. The item wasn’t even near me, but I felt it. I told this to my friend. She could have said nice and ignored it. It was a boring story. A few weeks later, I met her. She had made it for me and brought it. I was flushed with emotion. I had a few pieces. I considered myself as someone hard. I was melting. By this point my aunt had already died. I smelt my childhood. I felt comfort of safety. Along with it, I had a sense that I struggle to this day to express. The act of my friend brought more taste to it. I can’t to this day think about it without feeling nostalgia, gratitude and a strong sense of affection to my friend.

The following incident happened almost twenty years ago. I was studying in Scotland. Three of us friends went from Chennai to Glasgow to study. We had completed nearly 75% of our course. I was maturing from a boy who was taken care of all his life to a man within one year. Then we met someone with whom we did an assignment together. I wasn’t good at making new friends as my blunt nature puts most people off in the first interaction. This was an exception. One Friday, she called us for dinner. She kept insisting we come. Three of us went to her house. She was living with her boyfriend and a couple of other students from our university. She had made Chole, a gravy made from chick peas. Unlike my friends, I hadn’t tasted it before. She served it with freshly toasted Pitta bread. Each bite was one to relish. I shared my appreciation that made the rest of them think I was exaggerating. I was tasting something that others did feel. One said, it needed less salt. Another felt, it would be better with a bit more spice. For me, it was perfect. I had since had Chole over a hundred times. This taste still lingers. What was I tasting here?

What was I tasting here?

It wasn’t just the savoury snack my friend had made. It wasn’t just Chole paired with Pitta on a cold Friday night in Glasgow. It was something more. Something layered. Something human.

When my friend shared that photo of the snack on a regular Sunday evening, I didn’t just see it. I felt it. A lifetime away, that one image unlocked a vault of warmth buried somewhere deep inside. In a second, I was back in my aunt’s home. A monthly ritual. Her smile. That kitchen. That familiar plate. That unmistakable smell.

Olfactory memory is the memory of smell and is the most emotionally charged of all. Because smell is processed through the olfactory bulb, a structure with direct connections to the amygdala and hippocampus, the brain’s emotion and memory centres. It doesn’t pass through the thalamus like sight or sound. There is no filtration or delay. That’s why a smell can make you feel something before you know what it is.

That memory, long asleep, was jolted awake. I remembered not just the taste of the snack but the feeling of being cared for. The feeling of being seen. The feeling of being a child—safe, protected, uncomplicated. And then came the moment, a few weeks later, when my friend made it for me. That changed everything. She didn’t have to. Most wouldn’t. But she did. And just like that, a social act of care layered itself on top of a private reservoir of memory, deepening the taste into something sacred.

The taste was real. The flavour was right. But it was the emotion behind the act that turned it into something unforgettable. Her gesture released a flood of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, making me feel connected, not just to her, but to every person and memory that snack had ever meant to me. Dopamine reinforced it with pleasure, and endorphins softened the edges of grief.

That’s why I melted. That’s why it lingers.

And then there was that Chole in Glasgow. It wasn’t the most perfect dish by technical standards. My friends noticed flaws. But for me, it was perfect. Not because of salt or spice. But because it came unexpectedly, through the window of new friendship, during a moment of becoming, when I was learning how to stand on my own, far from everything familiar.

I didn’t know it then, but first-time emotional connections, when paired with new tastes, get stored more deeply. The brain binds novel stimuli with heightened attentional focus and emotional salience. That Chole wasn’t just a chickpea curry. It was the first warmth of a friend I didn’t expect to have. And my brain decided: remember this. The combination of novelty, emotion, and social bonding led to a powerful encoding. So powerful that I can recall it with more clarity than the dishes I’ve had a hundred times since.

So again, what was I tasting?

I was tasting nostalgia served with the savoury. Friendship folded gently into Pitta bread. I was tasting how food carries not just flavour, but meaning, how what we eat becomes a vessel for the people we share it with, and the moments that surprise us. Food doesn’t just nourish the body. It archives the soul. And sometimes, the simplest dishes unlock the deepest parts of ourselves without a word being spoken.

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Taste of effort and care

Back to the start

My journey of understanding taste won’t be complete without these two incidents. It was a couple of years after my wedding. My wife and I had just returned from the UK. Post that, my wife fell sick for a month. Then my mother-in-law wasn’t keeping well. I was in Bangalore for my work, and my wife was in Chennai with her parents. I knew my mother-in-law wasn’t keeping well. My mother-in-law had asked my wife to ask me what I would like to eat. I was way too obnoxious to respond appropriately to that. I told her that I can eat anything. I sat down for lunch along with the rest of the family. There were more items on the menu than a typical wedding reception. I had a plate served with most of it. My mother-in-law had made brinjal curry. Brinjal curry is something I love but none of them like it. My wife won’t even touch it. She had made it just for me and the others had a portion of it. For a person who didn’t bother saying what he wanted, this was a surprise. I couldn’t express. It was brinjal. It was one of my favourites but it tasted very different. When my mother-in-law softly asked me how it tasted, I had to tell her it was absolutely amazing. She had taken the pain to make this for me with so much care. The taste and texture of that curry that I felt wasn’t the same that the rest did. What happened in me there?

Most people from India wouldn’t have experienced the love and affection that I did from an elderly Pakistani family. I was living in Reading, England, as a house guest with an elderly Pakistani family. The uncle was blind, and the aunt took care of him. I had a couple of other friends who stayed in the same place with me. One day, my friends asked me for help with an event they are organising for their company. Since 8 am in the morning, I was busy moving around, purchasing stuff, helping set up the place, organising, etc. I came home a few times to pick up items. The event started at 6 pm, and since it was their company event, I came back home. I was surprised to see the aunt there. They finish their work and go to bed by 5:30 pm. She told me in a soft voice, “Son, I have seen you extremely busy all day. I don’t think you had breakfast or lunch. I was waiting for you to come home.” I told her that it was fine. I was shocked she noticed I hadn’t had any meal. She said, “No, please sit down. I have made dough for you.” Saying that, she made four rotis with potato and okra gravy. She told me I have to finish it and then left to her room. I didn’t know what to say. Every bite of that was care, affection, love that I couldn’t taste the food itself. The ingredients almost didn’t matter to me. What was I tasting here?

It wasn’t just brinjal curry in a Chennai summer. It wasn’t just rotis on a quiet evening in Reading. It was care. Wrapped in silence. It was effort noticed too late, but never forgotten.

When my mother-in-law asked what I wanted to eat, I gave her an answer void of specificity. “Anything.” But what she heard was not the words. It was the gap behind them. And somehow, she knew. She made brinjal curry—a dish she didn’t even like, a dish no one else touched, but one that she knew I loved. I didn’t ask. And yet she gave.

The moment I took the first bite, it tasted different. Not different in seasoning. Different in depth. Because taste is not just detected by the tongue, it is decoded by the brain. The brinjal activated my taste buds, yes—but the act behind it, the unseen effort, the subtle noticing, lit up emotional circuits in my brain. The amygdala registered gratitude, the hypothalamus felt safe, and the dopamine pathways rewarded the warmth of being cared for.

It wasn’t just food. It was a reminder that someone had thought about me—even when I didn’t think to speak up for myself. And then, there was that evening in Reading.

An elderly woman, with tired eyes and a quiet presence, had watched me rush in and out all day. I hadn’t said a word about being hungry. I hadn’t expected anyone to notice. But she had. She saw what I couldn’t say, and responded not with words, but with something more ancient: nurture through food.

When she said, “I’ve made dough for you,” what she meant was, “I saw you.” And when I sat down to eat those warm rotis with potato and okra, I didn’t taste the ingredients I tasted attunement. I tasted a kind of maternal attention that is so rare and so pure, it bypasses the mouth entirely and goes straight to the soul.

In both moments, the neurobiology of taste was hijacked by the biology of emotion. These meals didn’t just travel from mouth to stomach they travelled through limbic pathways, releasing oxytocin with every bite, quieting the nervous system, slowing the heart rate, calming the mind.

Science calls it contextual modulation of taste where emotional context amplifies or alters taste perception. But I call it something simpler. I was tasting care made tangible. Effort made edible. Affection cooked into form. That’s why I couldn’t taste the food itself. Because the feeling was stronger than the flavour.

What began as a journey of taste, ends as a journey of connection. Across memories, across distances, across acts both spoken and silent. I’ve come to see that food is never just food.

It is how we give, how we notice and how we remember. It is how we say: you matter to me without ever needing to say a word.

Back to the start

Emotion of taste and Taste of emotion

I walked into the house bereft of energy, emotionally drained with little to nil inclination to do anything. My wife brought me rice and potato fry. I have had that combo for at least 500 times in my life. She handed me over the bowl and sat next to me. The first spoonful filled me with pleasure. The smell was heavenly and the taste was delightful. The tiredness vanished. She said that she knew I would come home hungry. I told her it was one of the best food I had tasted. She laughed in disbelief. Was I tasting an emotion or was I feeling the emotion of taste?

Taste has a very unique connection to the hormones that makes one feel love, nostalgia, pleasure and even in some cases euphoria. In retrospect, I am thinking of the following questions.

  1. Same food prepared by the same person and with the exact same ingredients taste completely different on different occasions.
  2. A food you are nostalgic about, when prepared by a completely different person, results in you developing the same bond with the person
  3. Same food, tastes totally different for two people, evoking completely different reactions.

I will explore this in the episodes

  1. Taste of yearning and affection
  2. Taste of nurture and love
  3. Taste of friendship and nostalgia
  4. Taste of effort and care
  5. The biochemical aspects of taste

Each episode has my personal story along with my retrospect learning in the subject. In this series, I want to explore the deeply human scenarios that highlight the interplay of memory, neuroscience, psychology, endocrinology, and sensory perception. I want to highlight the nuances of these interactions through my experiences.

Rama, Shahjahan, Kovalan, the husbands not to be

“Do you really want me to be a husband like Rama?”

That was my question to my mother-in-law when she wished that my marriage with my wife would turn out like the one between Rama and Sita.

This has to be controversial. If I write 5 blogs and haven’t said anything controversial, I am not true to myself. For the moment, I want to ignore all real-life examples I have seen and only concentrate on stories. For every relationship, I have stories of someone who epitomised purity. As a husband, I could never find someone trusting, faithful, loving, protective and honest. People tend to create personality cult on someone who excels in one area, giving them free pass with others. So, for a change I want to take the opportunity to finish off this series with set of stories from which I learnt how not to be as a husband.

Rama, the husband

The story of Rama in Valmiki’s Ramayana was one where he was dutiful as a monarch, but never once as a husband. As a crown prince, it was his duty to obey the king and move out of the kingdom for 14 years. He abdicated the responsibility as a husband. I don’t doubt from the stories that he loved Sita a lot. However, asking her to prove chastity and fidelity by walking into a burning pyre was an act of cowardice. I would have respected the story more if he had walked with her. Then he couldn’t resist his sycophancy towards pleasing his people. He forces his pregnant wife to move away or prove her chastity again to the entire kingdom. This results in him losing his wife, who walks away to the jungle. Finally, when he decides to go get her back, he poses the same request again. At this point, Sita has it enough and decides to end it. The only credit I can give Rama, as a husband is that he was consistent. This story if anything proves the loyalty of Sita in the midst of a terrible marriage.

Shahjahan, the husband

Who cannot look at Taj Mahal and wonder about the symbol of love built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan for his wife Mumtaj. A kind of love where Shahjahan was already married couple of years earlier with this first wife, Kandahari Begum. He also married another woman a couple of years after he married Mumtaj. That also didn’t stop him from marrying one more after she died. Her death was also imminent as she was pregnant with his 14th child by the time she was 38. This isn’t an act of love or devotion. This is just a typical emperor who wanted to show off his wealth. Every architectural marvel of the past was given for some reason but the truth is that it was built to show off one’s power and wealth. Taj Mahal is no different. When I see it I feel the cry of women. It didn’t need modern science to know that the process of child birth was painful or can be fatal. If I love my wife why I would I try something where the chance of her death is anything above zero. It was the fourteenth child. He already had enough by then.

Kovalan, the husband

In the previous blog, I mentioned the famous Tamil epic Silapathigaram. The entire epic glorifies Kannagi, the lady who fights for the truth when her husband was mistakenly executed by the Pandya king. She gets immortalised as a symbol of chastity. Kovalan, the husband of Kannagi, was a philanderer. He was a wealthy merchant who decided to spend all his wealth on his mistress Madhavi. Once he becomes penniless, he comes back to Kannagi, and she accepts him back in her life. She is being praised for this. I have never heard of a story where a woman commits adultery and the husband is glorified for taking her back. The reason is that it rarely happens if at all. The entire glorification of Kannagi as the Pathini (பத்தினி) meaning Chaste wife in the story is not a responsibility a wife alone should carry.

I am not in any way speaking ill of the literature here. The literary value of Ramayana or Silapathigaram is absolutely tremendous. Any literature lasting for a few thousand years is a showcase of its greatness. I am merely highlighting the mistakes the protagonists have made as husbands. Well, I certainly never wanted to be them. How I am and my mistakes are for people to judge.

Cheran Chenguttuvan, the brother of Ilango Adigal

As the saying goes “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity

Of all the responsibilities that I have seen, the one of the brother endears me. That is also because I had my own sister and was practically a brother to a dozen more cousins who were born after me. An interesting aspect of evolution is that having one sister makes you careful. With so many sister like figures in my early life, it was confusing. Am I supposed to be nice? What does it mean? Should I fight? Am I losing? The confusion between competition and protection causes a yin-yang in our decision-making every time. As I grew older, I started looking at most people like I did my sister. There were plenty of stories where the brotherly responsibilities inspired me. There are three which come to my mind immediately.

  1. Bharatha, the brother of Rama
  2. Ilango Adigal, the brother of Cheran Chenguttuvan
  3. Ravana, the brother of Surpanaka

While each of these stories are great in its own way, I want to focus on the one of Cheran Chenguttuvan and Ilango Adigal. Let me share the story as I remember it.

Imayavarampan Cheralatan was a Chera King who rules in the Chera Kingdom in the 6th – 7th Century BCE. Chera was a Tamil kingdom, though it is the area of modern Kerala. He had two sons, the eldest one was Chenguttuvan and the younger one was Illango. The princes grew up fond of each other. As legend has it, an astrologer tells Cheralatan that his younger son Illango would become the king and not Chenguttuvan. The prediction gets the king worried as he sees no good way this can happen. In their tradition the first born prince always becomes the king, unless he gets killed or his younger sibling pushes him aside in an act of war. Seeing his father worried about the prospect of him either dethroning Chenguttuvan or preventing him from ever becoming the king, Illango decided something extraordinary. He goes to a nearby Jain monastry and becomes a Jain monk. He renounces not just the throne but the entire life of royalty to ensure his brother can get his due. Prince Ilango becomes Ilango Adigal and goes on to write one of the 5 great epics in Tamil Literature, Silapathigraram. In his work, he goes on to praise his brother Chenguttuvan as a powerful and respected ruler who conquered the Kadambu tribe, and the Kongar people. He is also mentioned as a figure of importance in the introduction of the Pattini cult, which worships Kannagi, the virtuous wife in the epic.

People mostly resort to actions that favour them or put others down. It is relatively common to do the right thing when there is no upside. It is hard or next to impossible to do something when there is a downside, and by just staying quiet, you have a considerable upside. We all talk of sibling rivalry. For every sibling who supports each other, hundreds end up fighting each other or severing relationships. The sacrifice of Prince Ilango is beyond my comprehension. There is something deeply poetic about the story itself, which I am glad resulted in the epic we have today.