The 5 stories of life

Life teaches us lessons. The lessons sometimes turn out to be more important for others than they are for the people who experience them. When great writers write about these events, the learnings transcend generations as stories.

We all hear stories, witness events that shape out thoughts. I am in a phase of my life where I reflect a lot on what has shaped me. I want to share the stories, learnings and my experience across a variety of aspects. I learnt rules of engagement across relationships from these stories.

  1. Ajatashatru, son of Bimbisara
  2. Kakkaipadiniyar, the mother epitome
  3. Koperunchōlan, the friend of Pisirānthaiyār
  4. Cheran Chenguttuvan, the brother of Ilango Adigal
  5. Rama, Shahjahan, Kovalan, the husbands not to be

My tryst with anxiety – I : The background

Life is as fragile as it comes. The quarks in our body have survived 13.6 billion years to evolve into a conscious species which can think, feel, plan and act. Above all, it forms relationships with people and attachments. In July of 2021, if someone had asked me about my life, I would have categorically said it is as perfect as possible. Fast forward six months, I suffered from anxiety and depression at levels I had never encountered. The fall from perfection was rapid, especially for a person with no expectations from his life. If you compare my state with people in the war-torn areas, it does feel like a first world problem. As a person with a high ego who never thought I could ever need external support for my mental health, the last few months have been a big revelation. Randomness and entropy drive this universe and life. My solitary insignificant consciousness cannot be an exception to that rule. At the risk of sounding cliched, my life has come a full circle.

Every being is a summation of our evolutionary past and learnings from the time of birth. We are deterministic and like to seek answers to all questions. I am no different. I was born agnostic like every other child. I was fearful of consequences, anxious about unknowns and insecure about my value. The loneliness of these traits, coupled with some horrendous childhood trauma, made me the person I am known by people around me today. I am obnoxious, cynical, confident, brutally honest and an ergomaniac.

“On a treadmill, I either win, or I die”, Will Smith once said in an interview.

“A cynic is just a dead idealist”, said the famous comedian George Carlin.

These two quotes summarise my attitude roughly. The anxieties and insecurities were buried deep as I forgot to care about anything but the truth. Over the years, I also realised the two key pillars of my personality, addiction and ego. I get addicted to people and behaviours. My ego pulls me out when I realise the loss of control. This combination has kept me in check overall. It also meant I was keeping an eye on my attachments.

As the saying goes, the only way from the top is down. In July of 2021, my life was at its best. I was happy and content as lockdown hit Sydney. I immersed myself in my new role at work. I loved the job and found it quite gratifying. Unfortunately, life isn’t gambling. One can’t quit when they are high. The situation at work started to take a turn for the worse. Lockdown helped me as I lost track of time. As the work environment got toxic, I spent more time trying to compensate. In less than a month, my mind started to crumble without my knowledge. In a few months, I was suffering from a stress induced anxiety disorder.

The sexual abuse continues: My opinion

In the previous part, I shared the details of the grooming gangs in Pollachi. This racket has been running with the patronage and participation of people across political parties. However, in the aftermath of all these allegations, there are two unfortunately predictable social reactions.

  1. The girls are being blamed for not being modest enough. So, parents have taken control into their own hands by ordering curfew for their daughters.
  2. The marriage market has blacklisted girls from the Pollachi region.

When a society equates culture to more protection, reduction of liberties for just one gender then there is nothing that is going to significantly change. I look at this in a very simple fashion.

Any two individuals have the right to engage in a consensual sexual relationship.  When they do that it is a covenant between the two. There is no need for society to be involved unless they are impacted (eg. Extra marital relationships which the spouses don’t agree). Also, when one of the two breaks it by exposing the act without the permission of the other or threatens to do that then it should be a non-bailable offence.

The reality is people are going to have sexual relationships as it is innate to human desires. It is a function of hormones & opportunity. The issue of the force and lack of consent which makes the action reprehensible. This is where the law should come into the picture.

Two Key points to consider

The Rape Culture is pervasive

If one wants to look at the culture of rape, the NCRB data which only shows reported cases is a good indication.  Surprisingly when I started digging into the government records, there is no statistics after 2016. So, I have to analyse with 2016 data. The average for reporting cases seems to be around 10 for a population of 100,000. Though one rape is one too many, it can easily be dismissed as statistically insignificant. Let us break this down.

  • Population set size: 100,000
  • Approximate Number of Women @47% which is the India average): 47,000
  • Number of people within the age group of (15-55) 59% approx: 27,730
  • The probability of a person getting raped (assuming one person is not raped more than once) during that period: 1.5%

Now with a probability of 1.5% of a woman getting raped during her life and reporting the same, one has to acknowledge the culture of rape. Again, I have to stress this is only reported cases. Most of them go unreported as people are scared of social repercussions.

NCRB-Rape ReportedConviction

NCRB-Reported Cases Trend

What is worse in this is the conviction rate for rapes are extremely low. This is not to say the rape didn’t happen but mostly that people who have been convicted were able to get away as there is no evidence.

Kailash Satyarthi, the child rights activist and Nobel peace prize winner has been working in this area for a few years now. According to his organisation, one in five girl child between the ages 5 and 9 have been sexually abused at least one. Most of them by people whom they know like family members, friends and school staff. If this doesn’t show the abuse of women is cultural then I am not sure what does. What is worse even when there is an abuse, the victims are almost always discriminated. She is the symbol of shame to the society. If the society is ashamed of what happened inside her birth canal, I suggest they chop off the organ which they think will go in. The extinction of such people is not such a bad option.

There are two cultures which claim to be pro-women from its origin, one is Islam and the other one his Hinduism. There is a reason they have to keep mentioning this everywhere. It is a coverup for their guilt. Muslim apologists always mention their prophet has given rights to women. Who is he to give rights? Hindu apologists point out the goddesses in their religion as a testimony to the rights of women. It is not mentioned that even the female gods are subservient to their husbands in their stories. This is probably like how Brahmin women were considered superior in the hierarchy to the men from other lower castes.

Power buys justice

It doesn’t matter whether there is a law criminalising dangerous actions, power will definitely buy justice. There are three forms of power in India or for that matter globally.

  1. Political
  2. Financial
  3. Religious

I want to give some examples of this.

  • Akash Ambani: The spoilt son of the wealthiest Indian Mukesh Ambani rammed his Aston Martin into an Audi which then went on to hit a Hyundai. The women driving the Audi reported that the Aston Martin was driven by Akash Ambani. The day after the accident a long term Reliance employee surrendered to the police taking responsibility.
  • Salman Khan: Another spoilt brat who continues to get away with serious crimes. He has been arrested for the below reasons.
    • Illegal possession of arms
    • Killing endangered species
    • Ramming his car into a platform and killing a person and injuring a few more
  • Manu Sharma: Again the spoilt son of a politician. His father was a member of the Parliament. Manu Sharma shot Jessica Lal a bartender for refusing to serve him liquor after the business hours. He was originally acquitted but was later sentenced after a huge public uproar.
  • SPS Rathore: SPS Rathore was an Inspector General of Police. He molested a teenage girl who was playing Tennis. He later harassed her continuously from going public with her allegations.
  • Jayendra Saraswathi: Jayendra Saraswathi was a pontiff and head of the Kanchi Matt. He has accusations of money laundering, murder and sexual assault. In spite of all this, he was acquitted without any charge.
  • Aseemanand: Aseemanand is an Indian monk. He was charged in the bombings of Ajmer dargah, Mecca Masjid, and the Samjhauta Express. He originally confessed to doing this and also called out RSS involvement in extremism. After all this, he retracted his statements and has since been acquitted.

A plausible solution

Regulation against recording & distribution of videos and photos

Any person who commits the below acts should be punished with a minimum of 7 years rigorous imprisonment with the option to extend it by another 7 years. In the case of the victim being minors, the punishment should be a minimum of 14 years with at least 5 years in solitary confinement.

  1. Revenge porn: Releasing recording of a sexual act without the permission of all the people involved
  2. Recording: Recording of a sexual or intimate act without the consent of the individuals
  3. Distribution: Circulation of videos or photos of a sexual or intimate act of private individuals without their consent unless it is done for legal or reporting purposes. The exception is a recording of any public event or artworks including photo shoots, theatre and movies.

Special squad to handle gang crimes against women

India doesn’t need anti-Romeo squads which go after couples or the people showing their affection in public. What India needs is squads which are vigilant about atrocities against women and children in both the real world and digital. The squads shouldn’t go after sex workers and consensual sex. They should go after human trafficking, forced prostitution and abuses. These squads should be tasked to come up with an operating model to percolate the benefits to every society or community.

Elimination of right to choose your lawyer for rape cases

Many accused get away because of the lawyers they are able to engage. There is a marked difference in quality between the public prosecutors and notorious high profile lawyers hired to defend the accused rapists. I advocate abolishing the right to choose a lawyer in case of cases of sexual abuse or homicide. Notorious lawyers like Ram Jethmalani have made a living defending criminals successfully. The accused have to be randomly picked a lawyer from the group of advocates to defend them.

I also advocate limiting the fees of lawyers in criminal cases. One can get any lawyer for civil cases but criminal cases should be controlled by the government. Justice should not be available for purchase.

A public register of Sex Offenders

The Government has to create a public list of sexual offenders. This should include accused, convicted and acquitted. The list of sexual offenders along with their photo and present location should be made public. Most sex offenders are repeat and it is important to highlight the same. The public has the right to protect themselves.

Victims need to feel love and empowerment

One of the key drivers for the fears around sexual assault is the fear of finding a partner. It is extremely common for Indian men to think of a girl abused as inferior. This despicable behaviour has to change. Men have to show love and care to the victims. They are not in any way responsible for the pain they have undergone. So, these women have to be empowered to make their life choices. They have to feel the love in their life again. That doesn’t mean that they need a partner in life but they should not be denied the option of having one if they so wish.

While I do feel that these are all plausible solutions, I don’t think anything is going to change. One might find rare cases of decency but the majority are happy with the status quo. The outpour of anger is strictly a manifestation of the need to project an image of decency. Every individual who wants to punish the victim also finds the need to escape punishment as small as it may be when they do commit it.